Learning to Love Right

 by Evangelist Shirlene Bailey

In this article I hope to encourage you to rethink your idea of what love is, how love is shown and what it takes to love right. There is a way to love and that is, loving the right way. After you read this article I hope you are challenge to love as God the father and His Son Jesus the Christ has loved us.

On our calendar we have days we mark as special. We mark off days like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries. Some of us even mark off the day that we had our first date, or that first kiss. Today I would like to jar your memory by asking, do you remember the first day you learned how to love right?  Now I don’t mean the first time you laid eyes on your intended spouse, even though some believe in love at first sight. No, I am not referring to that first date or that first kiss. I am not even talking about the day you stood before others and utter the words “I do.” Because I am sure that for those who have been married for some time, and even those who have not, the “love” you initially started out with has been put to the test. Well, there is good news.  There is a love that will stand the test of time.

Now in order for you to give the correct answer, you may have to compare it to the love you have come to know and experience as believers. This love I am talking about is that “perfect love” that Jesus Christ walked in. That perfect love that provoked God the Father to give His only begotten Son as a sacrifice for our sins. Think about it, most of us think we are in love until that “love” is put to the test. If the truth be told as you exchanged those vows, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes, you probably believed what you felt that very moment would last forever. Now, for some of you it was true. Maybe you knew the difference between infatuation, fantasy and lust (something that closely resemble love). Maybe you had someone else who had already experienced what you are now going through to share words of wisdom with you. If you were one of those fortunate couples, that’s great.  Make sure you share what you’ve learned with someone else so that the institution of marriage stands strong in the mist of the challenges, and adversities that we face on a daily basis.

My friends, if your marriage is doing well this information will aid in strengthening that which is already good; however, for those who are going through some marital challenges if you believe your marriage is worth saving--and it is---prepare yourself for work. It will take some work to repair that which is damaged. Just remember that with God all things are possible.  He will help you if you accept His help. God has put together some instructions in His word to aid in the success of your marriage. He has shown us how to “love right.” He has given us instructions because He knows that we have been conditioned to being selfish and even rebellious due to our inherited nature. So I encourage you first to familiarize yourself with every scripture pertaining to marriage. Also read 1 Corinthians 13 in its entirety. If you study these scriptures together, they will serve as fertilizer for the seed bed of love which is the heart.  Studying these scriptures will raise your accountability level--to God first and then to your spouse. If you love, honor and respect God your accountability will still raise to another level. Once you allow the “right” kind of love to filter through your mind, body, and soul other demonstrations (distorted, manipulative, controlling) will come with warning signals.  Something in you will scream, “NO”! If you are the one demonstrating this type of “wrong” love and you have witnessed or experienced this “perfect love” conviction will immediately come after you to correct you actions. Take heed because if conviction is ignored it will turn into guilt, leaving you open to sin and rebellion. This will lead to a difficult position in your marriage which will result in you having to make a greater effort to build the marriage to a healthy status.

In your attempt to love right use Christ as the example. He loved us so much that He gave His life. I am not asking you to do that, but I am suggesting that you must be willing to give of yourself even to the point of sacrificing your life. When was the last time you gave of yourself in the form of a smile or a long lingering glance across the room that assured your spouse that together you both could get through any thing? What about time?  When was the last time you made time to listen, time to share, or time to assist with your spouse’s interests or concerns? If your spouse had a doctors appointment when was the last time you thought to ask “How did it go at the doctors office today?” These are just some small suggestions for expressing the love and care you have for him or her. Loving right is hard when you don’t know the how to, but with humility, a willingness to be vulnerable, and a willingness to sacrifice you can do it.

Friends, a person who loves right must first know that it is a decision. Yes, it is just that simple, you must decide that you are going to love. As believers you must know is that when you make a choice to decide you are exercising your God given power and authority?

You see, this is what Jesus did. He decided to leave His throne in heaven, robe Himself in flesh and dwell among us. He did this because of His unselfish decision to love us unconditionally, to forgive us and bless us with His grace and mercy, to love us right with an unfailing love. In His doing this everything He did from that point on was deliberate. Everything became intentional. A divine plan thought out and executed without excuse, without blame, and without an expected return. He instead knew in all His wisdom that if we would understand this type of unconditional, unselfish, sacrificing love we would then know what it was to be “loved right” and we would, in return, not only love Him right, but everyone else who would come in contact with our love would also experience His love in us.

Think about it.  In your walk with God there comes a time when all you have said and done is put under a looking glass---all of your responses, all of your gestures, all of your motives---and you determine in your heart that you have not been loved right or you have not done your best to love your spouse the right way. When you compare it to the love God has shown toward you, it comes up short. You determine that there is something lacking. Now, what you think is lacking may not be that which is obvious. Often times we look with natural eyes, and miss what is the power of a strong marriage. Let me share with you what God has taught me. The key to loving right is obedience.  Yes, obedience to God and His word. In our sinful nature we don’t know how to love right.  That is without God. God’s word does not instruct to love based on feeling or reciprocation because that would be easy for us all. As long as everything felt right or was going good we would be all right; however, the minute all of that changes there would instantly be a problem in our ability to be obedient.

What am I saying?  Regardless of the action of your spouse the key to loving right is obedience. The next key thing you must know is that you must be willing to demonstrate the following attributes:  submission, trust, honor, humility and even a level of vulnerability. One great writer wrote that “it was better to have loved and lost, then to have never have loved at all.”  Jesus submitted His will to the Father’s will affording to all the chance to be loved. He, being God, walked in humility as He demonstrated to us a love that could never be duplicated on earth lest we lend ourselves as conduits. He honored His Father by being obedient and demonstrating His love in life, in death, burial and His glorious resurrection.

Friends, loving right, loving as God did is a challenge; however, with the greater one in us we can do it. Think about it.  At some point in our walk we recognize “true love”.  We recognize that right kind of love. Once you recognize it you become the responsible party. Have you witnessed it, have you demonstrated it, or have you ignored it and continued to love “your” way? I leave you with this thought.  The bible tells us that “he who says he loves God whom he cannot see, but hates (treat them with evil intent, harshly, rudely or any of the ways you note in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 among the “Love is not”) his brother who he see daily, is a liar and the truth is not in him.” Your spouse is a child of God and the word of God is inclusive to all that abide in Him. There are no exceptions for He is no respecter of person. My friends, there is a truth in the love of God which is this:  we did not deserve it, yet He loved us and gave it to us freely.  He loved us with a perfect love.  He loved us the right way.  Now let us love each other with that kind of love.

Until the next time stay married!