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THE LIBERATION IN BEING RESPECTED
By
Evangelist Garlena L. Hines
“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal
priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar
people …" 1 Peter 2:9
As
we celebrate the month of February we relate
it with showing love to our significant
other on Valentine’s Day. For much of my
life I always wanted to be the one to
receive candy, flowers, spending that
special evening with a loved one, but I
always found myself on the other side of the
track--watching others receive this
affection. I often wondered how it would
feel to be appreciated, loved and respected
by a man. Although I’ve had many
relationships the one aspect that was
lacking was “respect”. I’ve
learned over the years, that people will
treat you the way you allow them to treat
you. If you demand respect, then there
should be an understanding of what you’ll
tolerate and not tolerate. If you allow
yourself to be disrespected then understand
that disrespect has no boundaries.
As I begin to walk in
my healing and understand the love of God (I
Corinthians 13) I began to see a lot of what
I was missing. Instead of demanding
respect, I allowed myself to be mistreated
just so that I could say I had a man in my
life. For the most part it was very
unfulfilling because I knew I wanted better,
but I was not sure if I deserved better.
While in the process of trying to overcome
an abused mind which didn’t allow me to
think I could ever have anything better, I
settled for anything. Well, recently, God
has turned the tables in my favor because
while I had not prayed about this area, God
answered the “unspoken prayers.” So, if you
have been in and out of toxic relationships,
allowed disrespect to be the sign that was
held over your head, then let me share that
this is NOT God’s desire for you. Walk with
me as I share something special that God is
doing in my life in the area of respect.
For about a year and a
half, I have enjoyed a very good friendship
with a wonderful man. Remember I’ve never
been in a healthy friendship/relationship
with any single man without drama, so this
is very new to me. This man and I are
different in some ways but alike in others.
The time we spend sharing, talking, gleaning
from each other’s experiences is
refreshing. The friendship is based on one
word which keeps it so rewarding…respect.
While we share and may sometimes disagree,
we are not disagreeable. We both have a
relationship with God and while we may
exhibit our love for Him differently, we
know He’s the source of our strength. We
enjoy each other’s company and I believe a
lot of that has to do with the
respect we have for each other.
Ladies, while I know men also read my
articles I really want to talk to you in
this article. Let’s walk through some
pertinent steps that God is showing me
through my friendship with this young man:
A.
IT IS WHAT IT IS: As
I’ve shared, notice that I did not use the
words “boyfriend, my boo, my lover, my man
or did I say we’re in an intimate
relationship”, because this is not what we
have with each other. I used the word
“friend”. Defined in the proper context
friend means someone I enjoy spending time
with and having fun with. Therefore, I have
no right to be jealous of anything he does
or anyone he chooses to spend time with and
vice versa. Many times a woman may spend
time with a man and immediately claim him as
her territory. Women, it is, what it is.
Identify what you have with someone and keep
it at that level. Make sure you two have a
full understanding of what’s going on and do
not try to create something that’s not
there. If your emotions begin to take you
somewhere that may lead you toward being
hurt, then you have the power through Jesus
Christ to put those emotions under
subjection by using the word of God.
B.
WATCH THE “GIRLFRIEND” TALK:
Women, we are good for getting into the
minds of our girlfriends with the
“girlfriend talk”. For example. This young
man and I are friends and if any of my
friends try to suggest otherwise, I need to
put things in perspective. You know how we
do and what we say… “Girl, he’s fine you
need to tie him down. You two look like a
nice couple.” Or the name matching…adding
his last name to your first name. Ladies,
do not allow the girlfriend talk to get in
your ear and cause your heart to gravitate
toward something that’s not there. If the
relationship is not on that level, then
respect it on the level it is. Do not be
pushed into something neither one of you are
ready for. Do not allow your girlfriend to
give you bad or unsolicited advice. This is
very important to maintaining a health
friendship/relationship.
C. DON’T TRY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN: Because I
was so “needy” in the past I found myself
trying to make something happen with every
man I was with. Regardless if he was single
or married, I had to prove that I was a good
woman and the best woman for them.
Therefore I was always going beyond the call
of a girlfriend’s duty by doing things only
a wife should have done. This caused me a
lot of pain and cost me a lot of money in
many instances. If a man is interested in
you then allow him to show that without you
pulling the strings. A man really likes a
challenge, if you are too easy or he can
conquer you on the first date, you will not
hold his interest long. Be free to be
yourself and be comfortable with who you
are. Do not go overboard or smother the
man, but enjoy your “right now moment.”
D. BE HIS FRIEND NOT HIS MOTHER: One of my
greatest attributes is being a
supporter/encourager. That works well when
I’m ministering, but it failed in all of my
relationships. A man does not like a woman
who tries to tell him what to do or tries to
be his mother. During the Christmas
holidays my friend was involved in an
outdoor activity during very inclement
weather. As we were sending text messaging
back and forth to one another I made a
comment for him to wrap up and try not to
catch a cold. Now, because I’m such a
nurturer it’s just a part of my nature to
make such a comment. I thought about what I
said and then asked him if I sounded like a
mother. He politely said yes which let me
know that he’s a grown man and very capable
of taking care of himself. After all, he
participates in this event every winter, so
I’m sure he would take care of himself. So
ladies, remember while having healthy
friendships, keep it at the friendship level
and understand a man does not need two
mothers.
E. ENJOY THE MOMENT: After you have
identified the definition of the
relationship/friendship then you can enjoy
the moment. I do not allow myself to take
this friendship to a place where it is not
ready to go. We are good friends and I
enjoy the conversations, I enjoy the prayer
requests, the funny emails, the text
messages, the lunches, the times we share.
My friend is teaching me to relax and enjoy
life without the stress that
relationships/friendships can bring. We
dialogue a lot and I glean something of
worth from him every time we share. We have
different backgrounds, ethnicities,
religious beliefs and, in it all, we enjoy
each other’s company. Only God can show you
how to do this and the relationship remains
healthy. Ladies, this is very important
especially if you have come from a prior
abusive relationship. God is using my
friend to show me the true meaning of what
is written in I Peter 2:9… I’m royal,
chosen, holy and peculiar; therefore, I
command to be treated as such.
Ladies, I believe that
God can use anyone to teach us what we need
to learn about relationships. I had no
“point of reference” when it came to being
treated with respect by men. Let me
intimately share some things that are
liberating about being respected. (1)
Whenever we meet for lunch/dinner, he stands
as I approach the table to sit. He also
pulls my chair out and assists with removing
my coat if I’m wearing one. Many may think
that’s old school, but when I read that I am
royal, I see royalty
being treated with the same respect. (2)
Once we end the gathering, he escorts me to
my vehicle, gives me a hug and a friendly
peck on the cheek and ensures I am in the
vehicle safely before driving off. Once
we’ve departed he checks to make sure I’ve
arrived home safely. He knows I’m
chosen by God and he’s
protecting the value of who I am to God.
(3) When the evening is over, he returns to
his home and I return to my home. In the
generation in which we live it is not out of
the ordinary for a date to end with someone
spending the night with the other person.
But because he knows I am a holy
nation he respects me as a
Christian and he also respects my beliefs
concerning celibacy. I can’t begin to tell
you how liberating this is after so many
years of using my body to show a man that I
cared about him. I go to bed feeling
respected and wake up feeling respected.
This is something I never had when
previously dealing with men. I am
peculiar through it all, God
has taken the time to show me how to be
liberated through being respected.
Ladies, I pray that
this article will bless you and I’ve shared
its contents in an attempt to prevent you
from experiencing unnecessary pain. If you
desire a mate pray and seek God for the one
who’s anointed to handle you. You may need
to take steps, just as I am taking, with a
friend first, then you will know how to be
treated when the real man comes. Remember
that respect is something that’s earned and
people will not respect what you don’t
respect yourself or them. So to my royal,
chosen, holy peculiar sisters, I say be
LIBERATED through being RESPECTED. You
deserve it!! |
