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I AM NOT A MISTAKE
I AM MEANT TO BE

Greetings readers,

Thank you being a supporter of the vision that God has given this ministry to see that sexual abuse victims are healed.  Thank you for your questions.  I will try to answer them so that you may be released by the truth of the word.  If you have concerns about this topic or know someone who has been abused and you desire to assist them in getting the help that they need, please send those concerns/questions to www.glhinesministries.com.   

WHAT IS A FATHER?

As a child, I was brought up in a loving home with two God-fearing parents.  My parents taught me the ways of God and seemed to be very happy in their marriage. When I was at the age of 11, my parents were having some problems and my father moved in with his brother.  At first my mother tried to shield me from this pain until I overheard her talking with a close family friend.  It seems that my father was intimated by the fact my mother received a college degree and was making more money than he was.  My father was always the bread winner and my mother was the parent who stayed home taking care of the family.  While doing this she began working on her degree.  She achieved her goal and joined the workforce.  Once she made it in corporate America, my father begged her to quit her job and return home.  My siblings and I were old enough to come home and take care of ourselves until my parents returned from work. 

This arrangement was not working for my father.  Night after night my parents would argue until he finally left.  My older siblings were grown or in their late teens; therefore, they understood the situation better than I did.  I would desire to see my father, but to no avail.  He refused to see me as a way of hurting my mother.  I did not understand my parent’s separation or why my father stopped supporting my school activities.  I remember leaving Sunday school early one day so that I could go to my grandmother’s house to visit.  Once my father learned I was there he refused to come out to see me. My grandmother tried to make excuses, but I heard my father clearly say, “I don’t want to have anything to do with that snot nose child.  Send her home to her no good momma.” 

That day changed my life forever.  I graduated from high school with honors and my father did not come to my graduation.  My mother managed to support her four children without any financial support from my father.  He refused to pay child support, and my mother lived a life of integrity and continued with her career even without his financial support.  I promised myself that I would do well in college and take care of my mother.  I received my BS degree with honors and pursued my MBA.  I am now successfully taking care of myself and my mother.  I recently received an award from the city in which I live which was accompanied with a nice bonus check. 

My father received the news that I am doing well and now he wants to be a father again.  He is suffering from prostate cancer and is in need of financial and emotional support.  My grandmother takes care of him as best as she can, but she is getting older. My mother has reestablished a friendship with my father and transports him to the oncologist’s office and make sure that he has his medication.  I have forgiven him for walking out on us years ago, but I do not want to be a part of his life.  Through the years I desired him and wanted him to come to my sports activities, induction into the honor society, my sweet-sixteen celebration, senior prom, graduations from both high school and college.  My father made a decision to stay out of my life and I think this is the safest place for him….out of my life.  I feel he is no longer my father.

Response:  Daughter of Zion, my heart goes out to you.  I cannot imagine the pain that you are enduring over the loss of your relationship with your father.  As a child, it is difficult for you to understand how he would leave his family because of a problem he encountered with your mother.  Many times when couples divorce the children are sometimes used as “pawns” to hurt the other adult and the child is hurt directly (and indirectly).  You were hurt directly and it will take time to process that pain.  I do recommend the following (and please be prayerful):  (1) Share with your father how his departure and lack of being in your life made you feel.  Depending on your pain level, you may want to consider writing a letter. Otherwise you may want to sit and talk face to face to him; (2) Read Matthew 6:14 to make sure that you have forgiven him.  Search within your heart and allow the truth to come forth; (3) Read I John, chapter 5 and allow the love of Christ to be revealed in your life; (4) If you are willing, it may be beneficial for both of you to consider Christian therapy to help bring healing to the situation.  I understand that your pain and it is real, but the other side of the pain may occur if your father was to pass away and this situation is not resolved.  Allow your God to be greater than your pain.  However your relationship is re-established seek God, but as much that lieth within you, be a peace with all men.